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This is our second full rough cut of our film opening idea, whilst there is still a lot of changes to be made to make it work with the genre we are a lot happier it has progressed from our original try
What went well:
- We managed to get a full rough cut
- The actress and actor co operated better than the last pair
- More "natural" couple
What went wrong:
- Cuts were a bit messy at times
- Some questionable shots put in
- Planning wasn't the best
- Verisimilitude broken on multiple occasions
- Acting wasn't the best
- Sound Effects missing here and there
- Establishing Shot needs to be improved
What has been changed since last:
- Location has changed
- Changed Actress
- Idea has a few tweaks
[split this comment as it exceeds blogger limit]
ReplyDeleteThere is much I like about this, but also much that is frustrating!
There's a lot of detail below; I won't be in until Friday, but you should discuss and post an initial response - and I could maybe sit with all 3 of you Friday lunch or after school to go over your thoughts.
You all really need to learn/heed the frequent instruction to publish smaller steps before near-complete rough cuts. This helps evidence 'the journey' but also enables me to highlight any major issues before you get too far, as was the case with the previous cast. Its equally impressive and counterproductive that you've submitted a cut with sound FX added, usually the last edit job. Its important to be happy with the editing, framing, and general pace before spending time on that.
Discuss + respond to my comments below:
1: Idents work well, even if JCM is quite gruesome. There's an obvious audio addition that'd make the Gbd ident even more striking; how else can you denote the g man's reaction?
2: Your intro is more televisual (B Bad notion?) than cinematic. You've all analysed classic examples of ES (ELS), eg Psycho, and really should consider what (linked) location you should commence the film in, possibly tied to a false scare, a key genre convention you've skipped.
3: In isolation, lacking any additional shot/s to anchor, the spider shot is quite confusing. It could still be successfully linked to what you should really open with (point 2). There's a lack of ambient sound too.
4: Hiss sound can be avoided through 'Foley' work: re-record suitable diegetic, including ambient, sound + overdub. Ambient sound is crucial though - think about what might be suitable sounds (as with all aspects, think/look back on your researched examples)
5: If you can manage it, you do ideally need further (starter) footage/a false scare, so brisk pacing better suited to your audience is key. Those 2 buttoning up shots are simple examples of where you linger needlessly long on takes, perhaps because you haven't used more appropriate/conventional opening shots which might justify slightly long takes. Its also quite confusing: they're putting clothes on to go to bed?! I know what you're trying to signify, but its just too elliptical to anchor your preferred reading. You can find simple but effective examples of good anchorage of their sexual activity in plenty of past coursework examples - and we have discussed this very point.
6: 055 a scare - but shot/framing hasn't altered to emphasise their shock (+ thus to enhance audience shock) You haven't included any cutaway shots (eg holding hands) which would help to break up the LS/MS sequence
ReplyDelete7: No sense of drama/urgency in the shots, actor movement within these, editing pace, and adding music won't be enough to create that. Actress very quickly recovers from any sense of fear! You have an opportunity to creatively use angles
8: You start up high tension long high pitched string notes...when girl is texting she's bored?! Good sound FX, wrong place.
9: 121 another very long take. You need to think about how tension is built partially through editing, especially crosscutting. You linger again far too long on the stalker POV thru bedroom door.
10: We don't see the male again until 127. Watch any of the Halloween/Fri 13th genre classics to see how we'd typically cut between both
11: Its especially true with scenes of violence where this will cause oppositional readings (laughter), but also in general: without highly skilled actors and a strong screenplay, holding any long take risks losing overall verisimilitude, and certainly breaking any tension you're trying to build. If you sought honest aud feedback on 127-139 you won't find your targeted teens are terrified! Think more carefully about how you cut together the TV footage and the couple. You don't need to show her/them to include the audio you've recorded.
12: It is hard to make out details, but I like the garage setup - it is let down by clear camera shake/focus shift at points, which makes no sense in this context
13: You've again edited in a sound FX to emphasise a scare point - without changing the shot/framing
14: 201 A very slow/chilled out response from the couple! Its a hard point to learn, but you often improve by excluding some shots, and generally trimming much more; think carefully about how to keep this scene fairly convincing, and what undermines this.
15: Single take of going down stairs, therefore a long take - shot variety is key even in the simplest scenarios.
16: 226 Lighting works to great effect here. So...
17: As you didn't include any text in the post to provide clear context, I don't know if you filmed the attack etc but just haven't edited this yet? You've got a clear opportunity there linked to the lights - simply ending on darkness with sound loses impact, and isn't what you had pitched.
18: No titles! You may make changes to animation/placement, but once you've settled on the font/colour its an easy job to get these in; you should have a post clearly listing these, the exact wording and order.
19: Possibly linked to 17, no visual SFX so far other than the TV (which, shake aside, works well). Opportunities for layering or others?
20: OVERALL: To rise above C for this you need to reflect on:
- failure to reflect some key general + genre conventions
- some audio issues
- editing pace and length of takes generally
- taking out some shots that don't really add much
- general lack of cross-cutting as a tension-building device
- lack of shot variety in several sequences (especially 'cutaway' shots)
- titles!!!
- your ending is a real opportunity to impress which at the moment you've dodged; the lighting/mise-en-scene/your planned narrative here are all potentially very strong, but the utter darkness is a cop out! See TCM for an example of swinging lights (and, in the opening, camera flashlights) creating alternating light/dark so you can only glimpse 'the horrors' - could be done in post (in FCPX) if too difficult to control your lights there, but this really is a scene which could raise this overall, and secure an A if done well.